Though not hoping for a fairytale. Just a real life with a real good ending.

I had an unpleasant upbringing. An upbringing that shaped who I am. Until this very moment, I am working hard to change all that. There’s a lot of mental work needed to get things to some sort of normality. Though I hope not to be like normal people. I have no intentions to return to what I use to be. But I am open to reinventing myself to what ever I can achieve from the lessons I learn from my depression. 

I’m working on putting my depression to reinventing myself, to be an idealist, strong and unshaken by other’s opinions. Idealism is my freedom. Without it, I will never get out of the dark moments of depression and I will never survive the stigma associated with depression.

 After having my daughter, I developed postnatal depression. I wasn’t on medication. I resented the whole idea. It’s here when I started to take writing seriously.

I could not stop the trail of thoughts and the only way to put my mind at ease was to write. It was a wonderful therapy.

Then while my daughter, who was then three while playing on the computer, opened up the files and deleted all my writings. It took me days of trying to recover the file. Eventually, I got tired of it, and gave up.

I got better, and I went on with life, then in 2009, my whole life changed. It was like that one domino piece you touch and the whole thing comes undone. Suddenly, I am overwhelmed with housework.

I lost interest in creative cooking (my hobby) creating new recipes, rewriting recipes was one of my favorites me time back then. Reading was the only hobby I continue to enjoy. Reading was a therapy during my depression.

On nights I couldn’t sleep, I would read until sunrise.