Mangrove Sticks

You took our hands, and we walked towards the road. We stood on the side of the road. As you checked both sides for any cars coming.

When it was all clear, we crossed the road. The sound of the sea waves was quiet. The tide was low. You let go of our hands once we landed our feet safely on the green grass. Safe under the shade of the mangrove tree 

We jumped on the rocks and put our feet in the small ponds of water between the rocks. We tried catching small fish with our hands.

You told us to fetch long sticks. We ran up the little hill towards the mangrove trees. We each got dry mangrove branches. You made us fishing rods from mangrove sticks.

We went fishing in the small ponds. We caught fish, then we freed them and went on fishing. 

The happiness of childhood I was lucky to have. The rare moments are priceless and precious.

Moments that were stolen from us too early before we were ready. Those moments are living and thriving inside me. It’s the holy place for them to be.

As I sat down on these rocks, I felt the pain of not having the chance to show you how much love I cherish for you, even after many years since you were gone.

Where have those days gone? The days of the best times of my life with you.

They’ve been taken by the mighty waves of the sea. As I stood there watching them floating away. My hand extended to catch them to bring them back. But life said, No, today is not the day.

But the waves were kind enough to leave back the memories with me.

But they’re not enough; I want to feel your hand in my hand again. I want to hear your voice again. I want to see your face again. Put an end to my pain. To my misery, the unfortunate destiny that makes me cry to sleep. I wish to have you back in my life, even for just a short moment.

It’s been a long time since I last saw you. It’s been a long time since you were gone.

But it’s like it was only yesterday when we said goodbye.

You’re living in my mind every single day. I hear you call my name like it was yesterday.

I’ll give anything to have you back. Give me another chance. I promised it wouldn’t be the same and we wouldn’t suffer like we did.

Put your hand in my hand and squeeze it harder until the pain goes away. Put an end to my tears flowing endlessly for your return.

While I’m writing this. I’m standing on the rocks, listening to the waves hitting the rocks. Touching the water with my feet, like I used to do with you holding my hand.

I’m feeling your presence in peace. I’m feeling you in my heart. I’m crying for the big loss of my life. I’m crying for my empty heart to be filled up again with the joy of your presence.

The sea is where I find peace. It’s where I feel your presence. It’s where I can cry alone with you. Just looking at the sky, imagining you watching me from above with a big smile.

Put your hand in my hand. Let me feel your warm presence. Let me give you a hug and whisper in your ear. “I love you, father,” from sunrise till sunset, from the moon set until dawn. Each and every day of my life.

Put your hand in my hand. Let me feel your fatherly warmth and love one last time.

“The emotional attunement that developed inside me after witnessing you on your knees in agonising pain and dispair has lived on inside me till this day. And the memories of your life running like a film in my head.”

I love you and always will, even in your absence. I know you inside out, like the back of my hand. 

People are forgotten once they pass on. But you are remembered continuously in my heart.

Reminiscing about my childhood with you is like drinking sea water with added honey. 

I’m so sorry I couldn’t make your life better. I couldn’t free you from your pain. But I suffered next to you without you knowing. 

I read you, and I felt you, in happiness, in sorrow, and in your pain.

I’m still crying for you, just as of now as I am writing this. 

You have all my respect, love, and admiration for a man who may seem insignificant in the eyes of others but who is a hero and a king in my eyes.

You were so loved, appreciated, and adored by your family, your friends, and those who knew you. They were the people who understood the kind of man you were. They admired your character and the person you were.