Toxic Blood

When the sun rises on a black day. What do I do? I’m deprived of light deprived of warmth deprived of sensibility

I’m alone with my thoughts I questioned my decision to sort out my family I haven’t spoken or seen any of them for twenty years

I’ve been in these black days for weeks trying to make sense of it all. Trying to understand the people I have reconnected with.

In my mind, they were family. But my understanding of family in the twenty years I was gone is too bright and blinding to their eyes.

After weeks in the dark. A clear night followed black days and nights. A bright star sparking and twinkling up above. Outside my living room window. So beautiful, like a citrine diamond.

Where has the world traveled? Why am I on this gloomy planet? Has the world turned toxic that evil is thriving with toxic?

People’s sense of belonging replaced with feelings of being out of place.

I can’t reconcile the two worlds I have suddenly found myself sank in their core. Hopes for a unity shrouded with unconditional love became a nightmare

The picture of unity is like no other. And the beginning of the real work. To build for ourselves a family we never had. To build strong bridges that will never shake.

But my hope. The picture I imagined was my hopes and my own picture. It’s not shared with others. They have a self-centered picture and dreams.

I’m disappointed but not broken. I’m in awe, but not miserable. I’m shocked but alive. I’m at peace and grateful, unburdened by the outcome.

I gave it a try; it didn’t materialize to what I was hoping.  And I don’t blame myself.

Perhaps it’s for the best. What’s the point of being around people who have no connection, no real love, and no respect for me?

My dignity, my integrity, and my worth are more precious than toxic blood.

A lesson well learned and useful to my growth. For years I have been cynical of people. kept myself away from people. But it ended up being the closest of people to me that hurt me beyond anyone’s imagination.

It’s the end of days of wondering about them all. It’s the end of feeling them in my heart. It’s the end of the bloodline connection.

I’m free and content with what has befallen me. I’m not sad, not bothered and not grieving my decision.

I won’t let anyone who has no respect for themselves disrespect me. It’s what has made me what I am, and it will remain that way, no matter who.

I’m larger than what anyone thinks. I’m bigger than what they say about me behind my back. I’m higher than their ego.

The sun will rise soon with piercing rays. Rays full of warmth i have been deprived of for the last few weeks. And in the evening it will set with  peace, as I too will set on my pillow in peace and tranquility.

I shall embark on the final destination of my journey with my head high, unshaken and grateful.

Because my being can only thrive with goodness, it can only stay bright and golden with my love and respect for myself.

My worth is too much for ignorant people to realise. My values beyond the understanding of the selfish and the greed.

My intentions too pure for black hearts to handle. Hypocrites have no place in my heart and life Impure malicious and calculated dishonest people have no place in my pure soul.

I’ve drained toxic blood from my veins. The feeling is wonderful, refreshing and magical.

Pure, light and gentle a blessing indeed. Peace and tranquility overpowered my inner soul. My head light and my wisdom enlightened. Dark clouds have passed gracefully.

And I rise high with gratitude, for some things are better thrown to the bit of the fire.

Toxic blood is not worth my sweat. Not worth of my hopes and wishes for a pleasant future for us all.

Not worth the ugly brutal attacks I subjected myself to.

I exposed myself to the waves of an invisible dragon heated breathe.

Toxic blood deserves serving to the devil for his breakfast

My genuine and untainted good intentions deserves distance from the smell of toxic blood.

My pure and honest wishes deserves people who knows the value of such treasure.

Things happened for many reasons. Perhaps they did not deserve me and my good intentions after all.

Perhaps, I was made to benefit only my children and what a blessing that is.

I gave them all and more that I could ever give, and I am proud to say; it was all worth it.